Thursday, August 18, 2005

When the News Sounds Like Satire, then Satire Sounds Like News...

From The Onion: Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"
Yeah, this is funny now... tomorrow it will be in the headlines, and the republicans will be appropriating funds in astronomical amounts (no pun intended) to study Intelligent Falling. Then we'll hear about the strange coincidence that an apple fell on Newton's head, and was also the fruit of the tree of knowledge... oh, the irony of living in a 'toon.

10 Comments:

Blogger Jack Mercer said...

I'm sure this person thinks they are funny, but obviously they have never investigated dark matter.

"I am not ashamed to confess that I am ignorant of what I do not know." [Lat., Non me pudet fateri nescire quod nesciam.] Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero)

9:03 AM  
Blogger curfew said...

Mochi,

You think gravity's silly? Apparently all of those theories about Atoms, Orbits, Tides, Electricity, Radio Waves, Magnetism, Light, Inertia, and Time are flawed too! Let's all buy this book: (http://www.thefinaltheory.com/pages/10/index.htm) because it looks really really awesome. Maybe some of that funding can be directed towards its purchase for school systems.

9:34 AM  
Blogger curfew said...

Jack,

P.S.: Assiduus usus uni rei deditus et ingenium et artem saepe vincit - Constant practice devoted to one subject often outdues both intelligence and skill. (Cicero)

-Curf

9:37 AM  
Blogger curfew said...

Sheanc,

My bad. That was supposed to be directed to you and not Mochi.

Curf

9:48 AM  
Blogger SheaNC said...

Wow! I didn't realize a satire piece would get such a response 8^)

Now on to some hard science...

9:54 AM  
Blogger curfew said...

As Hilarious as the Onion is, there's a lot to comment on because they're poking fun at the not so funny situation we're discussing regarding Alternate Theories of evolution (and Mochi's Darwin post).

10:12 AM  
Blogger Jack Mercer said...

Sorry, evidently my comment was a little oblique. I was recommending the writer of this satire to study dark matter. The joke is on him. Obviously he is not an astrophysicist, or he would have realized he had used a terrible analogy to poke fun at intelligent design. But that's ok, because most of the people who poke fun at intelligent design don't know anything about it either (Not saying all). We have come a LONG way on the theories of gravity since Newton--but evidently the writer of this piece hasn't. A simpleton will look at gravity as Newton did when the apple hit his head.

Also, the writer of this has no understanding of the Grand Unified Theory (which we do not yet have), and the possibility in quantum physics of a "God particle" so to speak (Commonly called the Higgs Bosun). It is the one element that continues to allude scientists, which means that the model of gravity is incomplete.

Thanks for publishing this, Mochi. Keep setting 'em up for me :)

-Jack

"Hee is a foole that thinks not that another thinks." George Herbert

10:52 AM  
Blogger SheaNC said...

Jack, you say we've come a long way since Newton? By the same token, science has come a long way since Darwin, too.

1:11 AM  
Blogger Jack Mercer said...

You're right, Shea! There are new budding theories to be tested like intelligent design theory!

Ok, just pickin'--sorry :)

-Jack

9:01 AM  
Blogger SheaNC said...

I should invent a few theories of my own...

9:56 AM  

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